How You May Be a Bad Parent, Do Not Know It

What is the difference between what is good for a child and what is right? This is a fundamental core principle and element of parenting that the overwhelming majority of us fail to understand; and because of this, we are a lot of times unknowingly and unwittingly, by definition bad parents.

The biggest struggle that comes with parenting especially in this 21st century is the aspect of single parenting. And in the cases where both parents are still in the child's life, while not together, the single most parenting issue is the issue of parenting collaboration or as we call it, co-parenting today. This is an ever-increasing and ever essential detriment or benefit to the ultimate and overall well-being and upbringing of the child.

But this is unfortunately to significantly dependent upon the mental state ability of comprehension desire and motivation and level of understanding off both parents equally regarding the child and the direction the child must take what should take and their life and with their life.

There once was a time where allow your child to imitate or emulate adulthood in their youth was seen as cute especially with the case of female children or manly in the case of male children or in the least this was viewed as entertaining or funny by clothes members of the family or friends in the neighborhood.

This has opened the door to a lot of issues and problems that we face and that our children suffer from as a result. Being a native of Philadelphia I have seen on many occasions and have even developed in the ability to watch what I have learned over the years to be a pattern of children starting off young progress into their teens and then hyper progressing or hyperextending and therefore over-reaching themselves into adulthood.

I see in Philadelphia in particular and while I know it's not unique to the city alone, but the customary culture in the city is that once a child becomes 18 years old they are thus "grown" and therefore pushed out of the home away from the family mentally and emotionally for the most part, detached and disconnected and given the idea that they are therefore adults and should go into the world, to deal with its coldness and brutality, on their own. Nothing could be far from correct or worser to the detriment of that child.

What I see evening as close as my own family is that when you have two parents and one parent is of the ideal as previously mentioned that a child emulating adulthood or pushed into adulthood when not properly mentally or socially prepared for such is cute, what that does its instill a false sense of confidence in that child.

We as a people bicker back and forth in courts over parenting rights and custody, but never think of what's best for the child when evaluating ourselves. "What can or will I bring that's beneficial to my child?" "What kind of influence and example will I set?" Or "What set or system of values will I instill in them?" are some of the main thoughts we should have as parents.

In a two-parent situation or co-parenting situation if both parents are not consciously aware of these core values and issues then the double parenting or co-parenting method and purpose becomes defunct and worse yet detrimental to that child. Because children are naturally followers of the examples and influences of the parents, if you are a parent who just goes about your everyday life and thinks that a child is only a benefit and blessing, then you are a harm to that child.

"all I got to do is feed you, clothe you , put a roof over your head and feed you" and the belief that "oh youb18 now, you grown" and the mindset that a child has to go through life and makes the samw mistakes you did, in order to learn, is without question the worst ideology to obtain or adopt when parenting in the 21st century and a world full distraction and intentional manipulation diversion. It is nothing more than a cop out for being lazy, unwilling, or unable to teach that child so that they do not make the same mistakes as you did. Wasn't this the whole point of parenting anyway?

But when faced with two contradicting sets of views and values if you are parent and you know you come from multi-generational degeneracy and ignorance or you simply lack the ability or knowledge or sad to say, willingness to parent in a manner that is to, not your best comfort but, is in the end to what's best for the child then it is your obligation, responsibility and duty as a truly loving parent to if not completely remove yourself, then to take a back seat to the parent who's core values and system of beliefs, standards and sets of principles are what's right for the child and not what's "good".

As a single parent myself, I will not, nor should any parent, debate or dispute any matters concerning the critical and vitality of that child's mind, emotions, sense of self-worth, and knowledge of position in the society, with any co-parent who lacks those same aspects with regard to their self as an adult. If you as an adult still have not figured your own life out yet, if you as an adult still have not found your own path, or found yourself in life, then despite the fact that you have children, you are in no position whatsoever to try to lead teach and guide another life in preparation of their future; and expect that it will have a beneficial result.

When you are blinded by your own emotional based desires then your influence upon that child as a parent is harmful to them so you must step back if you really love that child. When a child has only one parent who is rightly guided or in more communal terms will we say has their "head on straight", then the debate and question of parental rights is dramatically reduced. I don't care how much you claim or even may genuinely love your child, if they're exposed to you and your influences is harmful to them then in the least it must be governed if not completely absolved; and trying to spite the other parent for issues between you and them does not harm that parent 90% of the time it only harms the child.

By the actions you would take against that parent and or your influences which would negatively affect the overall well-being of that child. Allowing a child to behave in a way that is detrimental to their future just because it feels good to you or makes you feel like you are winning is wrong, and when another parent opposes your position not because of the conflict between the two of you but because that parent can see the short and long-term detriment of the entire situation to that child oh, then that parent is not wrong and it's not being spiteful childish or Petty but is being responsible and is being loving and caring compassionate and most importantly understanding or comprehensive of the overall matter or let's say the bigger picture.

I digress from going into a social-scientific analysis of the topic at this time but suffice it to say that what is best for child, that is, what is right for a child should and must supersede any emotions between the parents or in the case of two parents with contrasting contradicting views. and when the one parent knows and fully acknowledges this, take a back seat and enjoy the exposure you get to the child and to watch the child be raised properly and become something good something that will make you proud in old age.

Do not interfere when a parent can clearly distinguish the difference between that which is "good" for the child and that which is right, because a parent with the natural inclination to defend that child will do so at anyones expense, including the other parent. And if you cannot do this, or will not do this, it does not make the parent who does crazy, evil, or wrong. It makes YOU ignorant, disrespectful, irresponsible, and ultimately a Bad "Parent;" and thus by virtue of your relation and therefore closeness to the child, one of if not the, greatest danger to that child's life and future. 

SPOTLIGHT ON RECOVERY MAGAZINE: The Children Are Our Future

Our Children are Our Future: A plan and program for success and survival

As one of those who hold to the idea that our children are indeed our future, I cannot help but to observe the condition of today’s youth; and concede that we, the adults of the present, because of the plight of our young, are in a state of peril.  We see the killing of children by the parents, the killing of parents by the children, eruption of misplaced rage by children in the form of mass-shootings at schools, even the mass-shootings of public places and Government institutions by persons of all walks of life, and the molestation of children by religious figures. The future of our existence has never been more in danger than it is now.

As a single father of three teenage and preteen girls, this discussion touches me personally, as at this moment, I am dealing with this issue in my own household. I therefore come from firsthand experience and offer a remedy to aspects of the problems we face as adults / parents, to ensure the success of our children; which unfortunately equates to their and thus our, survival.
Since we understand that our children are our future, in order to ensure their success we must first comprehend their conditions and circumstances in the context of the current state of affairs in today’s society and world. And the current predicaments make the vision of the world when inherited by them look very bleak for us, whom will be the seniors, and whose daily lives will be affected by decisions they make.

When we examine their overall condition, and get a grasp on it, we then must determine what is beneficial and detrimental to them in all things. We must weigh in individual factors such as family customs, those that are not harmful to the children presently nor in their adult lives in the future  -this being because to address issues only relevant to their childhood amounts merely to a pacification of any problem(s) and does nothing in the furtherance of the agenda and focus of this examination-  then, the adverse effects of the physical and social environment where they are raised, so that any methods / measures of dealing with any issues, are not undermined or nullified by their exposure to influences outside of the home without you as a buffer; an example being where you teach your children that smoking and drinking is harmful to them and that they should not do it, then they are offered those things by  peers, a schoolmate, or someone in the streets.

I explain to my oldest daughter that in our culture and ancestral customs, our women do not wear “makeup,” especially the poisonous compounds of boiled garbage (I mean that literally) which constitute most of the brands available to the public, and that this is not only because of what these things are in truth made of, but because we understand the subliminal and subconscious effects and harms inflicted on our unguided and thus very impressionable minds by our embracing of such things; i.e., that the idea that one needs to “improve” upon what has been made perfect in its own way by the creator of all things, teaches us unconscious rebellion to his will and ways, thus earning his wrath; and that moreover, in the context of what we as the descendants of slaves have and continue to be subjected to here, to embrace such things which we have adopted from our former slave masters’ children, and which in reality are a means by which others attempt to imitate our natural physical characteristics, amounts to our demonstrating of self-hatred; as we have been taught that we are ugly and that we are in need of “improvement.” 

I tell them that I as their father reject such ideas, any actions /  conduct derived therefrom, and am hostile in opposition to everyone who would have my family embrace such. Even in lieu of this, knowing the nature of a woman to want to beautify herself, I accepted and allowed them to use light enhancements, made of all natural products, as has been done by our people for millions of years; and despite all of this, their mother, herself traumatized by growing up poor and being ridiculed for that, allows our 13 year old to follow the behavior of her friends, giving her makeup, sexual clothing, fake nails, hair weaves, as seen in the streets and in music videos. 
Finally, once we have a thorough assessment of as many factors as possible which can affect our families, then we must isolate the specific things, both that which is good and which is not good for them,  and both directly and indirectly encourage  those beneficial things and prevent or correct every aspect of what is harmful to them. We must keep constant in recognition that children are just that, “Children” and know that regardless of how physically mature (developed) they may be, they’re minds take far more time to develop the level of comprehension and understanding which would enable them to make decisions that will have a dramatic outcome on the rest of their lives … so no, we do not leave these “choices” up to them, because to do so, when you have done nothing to guide that child’s mind beyond your examples of perverted perception and degenerate behavior equates to inflicting upon them yourself the harms that they will inevitably suffer being unprepared in a predatory society and world.

The mother of my children teaches them that to be “cute” and received favorably by those whom we surround ourselves with is of the highest priority, and “punishes” them by the denial of new articles of clothing and footwear, and the “threat” to send them (home) to their father; while failing to teach them of self-respect, dignity, values, integrity, and among others the life or death importance of education and the understanding of one’s place in time and the world, the original nature in which we were created as a people, what it is and means to be a family, a household, and in a relationship, and the specific roles we play therein and according to our particular genders. What then, kind of adult do we become, lacking these things? 
The first step then, in ensuring our children's success and survival, is to examine our own perceptions of right and wrong, good and bad, and to grasp our own reality. We must understand our situation and the world we live in as adults, as it is a far different place than it is for them. We accomplish this by  -to the greatest degree we are able-  withdrawing from the mainstream culture and influences, studying history to gain a knowledge of self and kind (one’s own people), a true knowledge of others, and a true account of the sequence of world events leading to the present; and these can be simultaneous to your normal life-sustaining activities.
I have done all of these myself, and my sound assessment is that we are immersed in a failing society and ultimately a failed civilization (wars based on lies, corruption at the highest levels of power, and a failing economy); and that our children, having the potential to hasten it, save it, or even what is most feared of them, challenge the current state of things, are under attack by the forces that currently benefit from the way things are; that they may be led far astray from reality and the realization that a global change is very much underway.

Once we have grasped ourselves, then we have to evaluate our own detriments according to the proper standards; investigate the origins of our detrimental thinking, as it is the root of our degenerate behavior and thus our misguidance or failure to guide our children; and rectify it. This is necessary since it is impossible to correct a defect without understanding its mechanics and causes. Then we must do the same for them.

Questions we have to ask ourselves are: “What do I think?”,  “What does thinking this make me do?”, “Why do I think this?” and “What should I be thinking?” Because in understanding “What” you think, and “Why” you think that way, you can correct or adjust your mentality so that you are properly oriented morally and are qualified to lead / guide / teach / train. How can we say don’t drink, smoke, degrade yourselves, etc., when we go out to Bars and Clubs every night or weekend, and are  high and drunk, and engage in sexuality without any semblance of a structured relationship, and with multiple persons? and, as our plight  as a people is perpetuated through each generation, to stop it, we must do all of these things the same for our children.

The youth must be made to know that things are wrong, so they will understand exactly what’s wrong, why and how it’s wrong, how those wrongs were manifested, and whom is responsible for creating them. This is essential, as this format will deny the child of any platform upon which they could refuse or reject your position, as not being thought out, unsound, and thus irrational. My middle child tries to refute me by asking how it is that I know that what I’m saying to her is true, albeit right; and attempts to dismiss me as having read such in a book  -implying that I am incapable of intelligent thought and comprehension and am merely reiterating those positions to her. I am able to give her irrefutable real world examples of the things I speak of and against, even from my own life experiences, and examples illustrating how  they are, why they are, and the exact harm they do to their naive victims. With examples of people who are victims from her own generation, I therefore make the point that my aim is to prevent and thus protect my children from suffering the same fates.
  
Now at this point you should clearly have the children's attention; you now have to get a grasp on every aspect of your existence, your residential location, your financial situation, your relationship with the overall community, what institutional and or structural resources are available, your particular culture and or religion, and your child’s specific needs.
Once you have done that, put together a concise plan of action that gradually (depending on the severity and urgency of the child’s specific needs) but constantly brings the kids firstly out of any physical circumstances that are at the root of the problem(s), then out of the mental state or way of thinking (the “perceptions”) which allows or enables them to engage, and or be affected / influenced by that which is harmful to them, and makes them harmful to others. This is because a perception that something is pleasurable or even acceptable creates a desire for such, especially in lieu of no alternatives.

Because my daughters have a lot of maternal aunts and cousins, they are emboldened by their ability to form a large body to meet physical confrontations, so they have developed a taste for conflict. The manifestation of this is that in every situation, my daughters fail to perceive any interactions with non-familiar persons, outside of the context of a confrontation. The result is that they are unstable and violent; and so I can’t take them out in public without having to physically prevent them from fighting or trying to fight nearly everyone they encounter, for reasons such as “looking at them,” or in the case of most females, “thinking she cute.” Such mentality is indeed a danger to the public, and to anyone in the immediate vicinity.        

So lastly, prevent all idleness of mind and body; keep them busy and immersed in the new, corrective, and or restorative  things and ways, and clarify / highlight the positive benefits of the new focus and direction, and hastily reward progress so that you will prevent backsliding to those degenerate ways by virtue of them being familiar and thus false “comforts.”
As delineated by the examples given above which come out of my own addressing of this very crucial issue, with my own family, these steps  -with minor adjustments to conform to one’s specific situation- will without doubt ensure that your child(ren) is successful in this world, and is a platform upon which they can build a strong, stable foundation; and since this plan is formatted for it to be a counter-measure to the systemic influencing to detrimental behavior  -which has been designed to be multi-generational-  this corrective platform when perpetuated down the lineage will thereby ensure not only the success of your child because they are your future, but also will ensure a dignified legacy, existence, and the very survival of a your family. And so in the interest thereof, I respectfully and humbly submit to you this, my plan and program.    

....Because "YOU" don't need a Man

This is what happens when you women conform to this "New Age" ideology of the "independent woman," which is contrary to the nature and purpose for which Allah (God) created the Female of our species. It is none but a deception from the evil people who were created and placed upon our planet. The devils!!! and it is the equivelant of a fish being tricked and trained into detesting and despising the idea of swimming and being wet. Imagine a fish saying that: "...What!!!? ...swimming!?..  are you crazy!!! ... I don't need no water!!..." DO you see how crazy that sounds? that's how crazy a woman sounds in ignorantly claiming she doesn't need a man. How arrogant are you that you know better for you than he who created not only you, but also everything else? God!

Then look at how your daughters naively follow your examples, yet you wonder why they engage in the practices of the ancient perverted people of the Island of LESBOS, and call themselves "Lesbians;"  and you wonder why your sons grow up and become dependents upon females and are irresponsible, misguided, uneducated, unproductive, "Baby Daddies," whom you have to argue with and tell: "...You need to grow up and be a man!!..." Why!!!? why would they, when all they've seen all of their childhood is how their mother disrespects, degrades, and despises men! I would not want to be something so hated and made to feel so useless and worthless either!!! My Dear women!!, Please stop destroying me psychologically, and learn of what has been done to my mind through 5oo (and counting) years of physical and MENTAL slavery, and HELP ME uplift my self so that I can be the king that I am by nature, and so very badly want to be to and for you!!! and you will set in motion a sequence of reactions that will ultimately restore and resurrect our family together, and our entire Race! ... I love you with everything in me, but I need you to love me the same!